Government waste - essay

Much has been said in recent years about waste in government. Indeed, this theme is one that both major political parties as well as most of the lesser known ones have been carping about for quite some time (without, of course, doing much of anything about it). In recent years we've heard and read about six hundred dollar toilet seats, two hundred dollar hammers, grossly overpriced aircraft, and myriad other horrible examples of bureacratic and government spending run wild.
There is one form of obvious waste, however, that somehow goes totally unmentioned. Presidential pens. Yes, fountain pens. At least I think they are fountain pens. Perhaps they are ballpoints. Whatever. In any case, you must have noticed by now that whenever the President signs something he never ever does it with merely one pen. He always uses many pens. How many I don't precisely kmow, nor do I know what the upper limit on this may be. But there are always many pens. Why, you may ask, does the President do this? I don't rightly know. I suspect, however, it must be that everyone of any importance whatsoever who had anything at all to do with that particular legislation simply has to have a souvenir pen.
But what on earth does one do with a pen that is only one of several that were used to sign something-or-other? It would not be quite truthful to claim that this was the pen that signed that particular document. So what does one say: "This is the pen that dotted the first 'i' when the President signed the such-and-such legislation?" Or perhaps, "This is the pen that made the downstroke on the letter 'n'." And how is it determined how many pens are to be used? How big a "shot" do you have to be to share in this largesse. It seems to me that the use of some if not all of these pens is so minimal, and the custom so absurd, as to make them totally worthless. But apparently not. People must actually desire these souvenirs, no matter how miniscule their function or exaggerated their importance. Then the question arises, what do they do with them? Mount them? Frame them? Put them on a pedestal? Bronze or Gold plate them (if, indeed, they are not already gold plated)? Surely they do not take such a precious gift home and merely continue to use it? And it seems most unlikely they just take them home and throw them in a drawer along with other pens -- unless, perhaps, those other pens were acquired in the same manner. Do you suppose our senators and representatives engage in contests to see who can garner the most of these pens? Are there bragging rights? Do people collect them? Are they worth money? Does the President himself keep a copy of each pen he uses? What, really, is the point of all this?
I have no idea what type of pen is used. But knowing the proclivities of governmental officials you can bet they are expensive (what President would hand out cheap pens?). Has anyone ever toted up the cost of pens for the President for one full year? Four years? Eight years? The cost of pens over the space of several years must be absolutely astronomical. Not only that, I bet these pens are not even made in American. Is it any wonder we have an out of control national debt?
Sadly, even disgustedly, there is nothing partisan about this bizzare practice. It is not a Democratic custom as opposed to a Republican one. All Presidents do it, and apparently have done it for a long time. It would be interesting to know just which of our honored ancestors started this appallingly wasteful, unnecessary, even downright silly thing to do (actually, I don't really want to know). But the next time you hear someone complain about waste in government, speak up loud and clear: STOP WASTE! ONE PEN ONLY! BUY AMERICAN!