Women and ice cream - essay

I don't wish to add more fuel to the sexist fires that are currently ravaging the country, but it seems clear to me that women have a much different attitude towards, and therefore relationship to, ice cream. It's not that men don't eat ice cream, it's that they are not obsessed with it, they don't talk about it, ooh and aah over it, dwell on it, drool over it, study it, savor its nuances, learn its more complicated terminology, stuff like that. I've never known a woman of any age who didn't like ice cream, or at least claim to like it. Older women are usually somewhat more dignified in their approach to it than younger, but young or old they simply cannot pass an ice cream store without both noticing and commenting on it, if not actually imbibing. It's as if they rediscover how good ice cream is each time, like they only had it once before in their life and it was their single most memorable experience; even women who could easily have ice cream every day of their life if they wished. Here, I think, is the crux of the matter: women are apparently taught to believe that ice cream is just a little bit sinful (obviously because they associate it with getting fat) and thus, because it is forbidden, they are enchanted by it. "Oh, ice cream!" they gush, "isn't it wonderful! But I can't have any." They especially add this latter as if to reassure themselves that they are not actually on their way to the counter with their purse in their hands. Then, once having made their selection, usually the most unlikely two scoop combination you can imagine, like tutti frutti and mint chocolate or licorice and pecan crunch or something equally as horrible, they then wave it around and extoll its virtues, "Isn't it delicious! Oh, heavenly! How wonderful! Oh you must taste it!" as they thrust it at their male friends, apparently oblivious to the fact that men actually find this revolting.
Now I submit that men do not act like this. If a man, or even a boy, wants ice cream he simply goes quietly to the counter and buys it. No fussing about it, no dramatics or histrionics, just a simple commercial transaction. And men don't go in for the esoteric flavors or the unlikely combinations either - just vanilla, chocolate or strawberry. Indeed, most men I'll wager are totally unaware that there are 87 flavors, and they certainly wouldn't know the names of all of them. It's possible that very small boys might become temporarily fascinated by all these fine points, and they might even carry on a bit about it, but if they do it is soon socialized out of them. It's just not manly to carry on about such things and, of course, for men, ice cream isn't real food anyway. People who sell ice cream are aware of this, that's why they always have the tiny little tables and chairs that can only be used by women and children (although a lot of older women, especially the heavier ones, don't look too comfortable on those spindly chairs either). Men are uncomfortable even upon entering these pink and peach and lavender places. It's like entering some old maid's bedroom with your muddy logging boots on. Even so, it's a rare man who doesn't give in to this universal female weakness at least some of the time and spring for their treat. I don't believe men really resent women's qualitatively different relationshp with ice cream, I think they just wish they'd keep quiet about it.