Cell phones - essay

Having just returned from Europe I am convinced that cell phones are the worst invention since the internal combustion engine. It’s true we have cell phones here in the U.S. but so far, blessedly, not like they have in Europe. As near as I can tell everyone in Europe has a cell phone: children, adolescents (they are probably the worst offenders), adults, old people, bicycle riders, drivers of cars, pedestrians, everyone. Everyone has a cell phone. And they use them incessantly: in the restaurants, bars, while riding their bicycles, driving their cars, walking down the streets, standing in line for airline tickets or even while being searched for contraband. Nothing seems to keep them from talking on their cell phones. Nothing. I have seen people talking on their cell phones while going through customs, while standing in line to board a plane or in the cafeteria line. What is with these people? Their lives are so important they have to be in constant touch 24 hours a day with everyone they know? Try to enjoy a meal in Paris these days – someone will either call someone else or be called while you are trying to enjoy your meal. And you can bet the conversation will be every bit as boring and dismal as if they were on their homes phones talking to mother. I actually overheard one woman calling from the airport to tell her friend she was sitting in the airport! Now I guess that is something to call about.
Then there are those very important people who have to be in constant touch with their office. “I just want to report that I sold $750,000 worth of life insurance today. Just checking in.” Or, “we shipped four tons on garbage disposal equipment this morning.” This kind of reportage can’t wait until they get back to the office? These are the types that are obviously playing to the audience. They want you to realize just how important they really are.
Then, of course, there is the problem of using cell phones in automobiles. Obviously one cannot possibly drive anywhere without also talking on their cell phone at the same time. Never mind that this is dangerous and results in accidents – accidents that would be totally avoidable if these cell phone users could just shut up for the little while it takes them to drive to the grocery store. Indeed, this problem has become so noticeable that several states are thinking of outlawing the use of cell phones while driving. What a wonderful idea!
Now to be fair, I can imagine that there might be people who have a legitimate use for a cell phone. Like policemen or firefighters, for example. Or people who work off in the woods a long way from home. Or even people trying to walk to the north pole or sail across the Pacific by themselves. But I absolutely do not believe that ordinary citizens lead such adventurous or important lives that they need to be in constant touch with everyone. Unless maybe they are teenagers who are so insecure they need constant attention.
Personally, I cannot imagine riding a bicycle down busy Parisian streets with one hand held to an ear with my cell phone. Actually, I can’t image riding a bicycle in Paris at all (but that is a slightly different matter). But it is not only Paris where you see this folly. Amsterdam is worse. Vienna is about the same. Prague ditto. In fact, cell phones in Europe are like a disease. They are like a cancer that just spreads everywhere corrupting human relations in ways that are as yet unpredictable. That is, will we come to a situation where no one every sees anyone else face-to-face? If you are in constant touch with everyone you know why would you need to then see them? This becomes even more problematical when you realize that on those occasions when you are not actually speaking on your cell phone to someone you can use it to take photographs or play games. Remember, it was not all that long ago that we didn't even all have telephones. If you needed or wanted to argue with someone you had to at least think it over for a while. But not now, not with instant communications anywhere on earth. You want to get it off your chest, just call immediately and tell them what an absolute jerk they are/were.
I can proudly say that I do not have a cell phone. I do not intend to ever have a cell phone. I am just not important enough to have one, even if everyone else on earth is that important. In fact, I think I’ll go back to telegrams. Maybe smoke signals. Maybe even the Pony Express.