Friday, May 27, 2005

Dual Wheels - essay

Pickups with dual wheels. I know you've seen them. But have you ever seen anything in them? Like a load of anything? Very rarely if at all, I'll bet. Indeed, there seems to be a strong correlation between the presence of dual wheels and the absence of any kind of load. Given the fact that dual wheels exist primarily to allow one to carry heavier loads, how does one explain this strange correlation? Dare I suggest that the owners of these trucks are not really interested in carrying heavy loads? Or in carrying loads at all, for that matter. The real motive for owning one of these powerful machines, it seems to me, is simply that, they are powerful. But more importantly, being powerful, they give their owners a sense of power. I do not think this is idle speculation.
Observe, if you will, how owners of these empty gas-guzzlers drive. Have you ever seen one on the highway doing less than the speed limit? I'll bet not, and by and large I'll wager they are going a good deal faster than the limit. In town and in traffic they are aggressive, speeding up to stoplights, accelerating like drag racers, challenging all comers. If the purpose of these trucks is work and carrying loads why do they drive them as if they are stock cars? Power, that's why.
Another peculiar thing about these overlarge pickups is that so many of them are found in cities. Somehow one might expect to find more of them in rural areas where there might be legitimate demands for their super capabilities. But you see them in places like Los Angeles, Chicago, even New York, always empty, prowling the streets as if looking for a fight, roaring past lesser vehicles, cornering recklessly, full speed ahead and stop, burning rubber, constantly intimidating more conservative folk. Why do they do this? Power, that's why.
I know. I know. This is just my opinion and it's hard to prove. Watch for yourself, I say. Keep track of how many dual wheeled pickups you see with any kind of load (tow trucks don't count) - or any kind of load that might conceivable require dual wheels. It is far more usually the case that if there is any cargo at all, in rural areas it will be a big dog, and in the city it will be a lunch box or golf clubs. Indeed, I am under the impression that one finds an inordinate number of these dual wheeled behemoths parked at golf courses and in front of fast-food restaurants. Think of that. Do you really need six wheels and all that power just to get to the golf course?
Similarly, of course again I can't prove it, in certain rural areas where you find a dual wheeled pickup you will also find a gun rack in the back window. It is not uncommnon for many pickups to have gun racks, it is true, but it is a good bet that the percentage is greater for the more powerful ones. Why is this? Power, that's why.
It's obviously a personality thing. I'm sure no one has seriously studied the personalities of those who drive dual wheeled pickups. But if someone did, don't be surprised if you find some real insecurities, problems with authority, sibling rivalry, feeling of inferiority, faulty parenting, Oedipal complexes, broken families, child abuse, working mothers, bottle feeding, poor nutrition, harsh potty training, circumcision, school phobias, welfare, food stamps, and other elements too gruesome to mention. Dual wheels. Who needs 'em?

No comments: