Oops!

I just watched the Academy Awards. This is something I do not ordinarily do, partly because I have very little interest in them and also because I rarely, if ever, see any of the movies that are nominated and involved. In spite of my abysmal ignorance of the movies and this annual event I still managed to predict most of the major contests. I knew Hoffman would win for Capote. I knew Reese Witherspoon would win. I knew Ang Lee would win for best director. I knew that Cloony would win at least one award. And I also knew that Brokeback Mountain would not win best picture. How did I know this? I don't know. I just knew. I think I knew because I am an American from the Northwest and I know something (I think) about American culture. I forget the other one or two that I predicted correctly. No matter. I confess to knowing nothing and just guessing.

More importantly, and what to my absolute horror I learned by watching this insider backscratching, is the truth about Brokeback Mountain. For months I have heard and read about this movie about two cowboys who are in love. Homosexual love. Horror of horrors! What might this do to our romantic image of the macho cowboys of the American west? Would it be well received in Kansas? Would the public embrace it? Would it be box office? Would it win the award for best picture? Would the two male leads win Oscars? How daring to openly embrace such a theme in a major motion picture. How sensitively it was directed by Ang Lee. A movie so advanced it marks a major change in American culture. And so on.

IT'S A MOVIE ABOUT SHEEPHERDERS!!! The "cowboys" are actually sheepherders in Wyoming. SHEEPHERDERS!!! Cowboys HATE sheepherders. To call sheepherders cowboys is offensive beyond belief. It's worse than calling Iranians Arabs. This is a mistake so egregious it cannot be forgiven. While I admire Ang Lee as a director, he clearly is out of touch with American culture on this one. He is clearly ignorant of all the literature and movies about cowboys versus sheepherders (and there are many). No self respecting cowboy would have anything to do with sheep or sheepherders. Ever. Under no circumstances. Not only have I not seen this movie, there is no way now I would ever go to see it. Do not misunderstand! I don't care if it is a movie about homosexual love, cowboy love, or universal love. I don't care if it is sensitive in its portrayal of these basic human emotions. It is not a movie about cowboys. It's a movie about sheepherders. Sheepherders are to cowboys what Republicans are to truth and beauty, to decency and fair play, to reason and justice. Sheepherders (Sheepmen as they are often referred to) just do not have the same romantic image that cowboys do. Not even close. This is probably why they try to pass this movie off as about cowboys (you know, those ridin' ropin' bronco bustin' two gun heroes who save the widows and orphans and such). Who would go see a movie about sheepherders falling in love, gay or not? Sheepherders are loners, spending their time with just their flocks and their trusty dogs, living in cramped run down wagons, inventing golf out of boredom and such things.

Don't misunderstand. I don't personally have anything against sheepherders. I'm sure we need them just like we need mechanical engineers and ship captains and doctors and (I was going to say lawyers but I caught myself just in time) and farmers of all kinds. I don't even care if gays marry and have children. But cowboys don't like sheepherders. This is a basic fact of the old west (and probably the new west as well). To promote Brokeback Mountain as a movie about gay cowboys is a travesty. Ang Lee is a great director but he doesn't have his finger on the pulse of America (at least the American west) here. My god! SHEEPHERDERS!!!

I confess that one reason I watched was to see how Jon Stewart would do. While he was not Billy Crystal, I thought he did well. Jon Stewart is exceptionally bright and very quick. Larry King is terrified of him. The tongue is mightier than the sword. At least sometimes. Peace (what a ridiculous expectation). I bet that if there was only one man left on earth he would be at war with himself.