What (or who) is a "Dork"

Dear anonymous: Of course its blah, blah, blah, but its MY blah, blah, blah.

When Pat Buchanan asked MSNBC newsperson, Nora O’Donnell, why they were broadcasting something so stupid, she replied “Because there’s a 24-hour news cycle.” (I forgive her the terrible laugh for this). And so it is most of the time these days. Today it happens to be hurricane Gustaf. While I feel terrible for the people of that area, and while I acknowledge that it is newsworthy, I really don’t need a wave by wave, tree by tree, boat by boat or bus by bus evacuation description. Checking in once in a while would be quite sufficient. Apparently there is nothing else newsworthy in the entire world, so we get 24 hour detailed coverage of the flooding in Louisiana and Texas. News 24/7, except for a rare moment now and then, is basically a waste of everyone’s time.

As usual, when so little is being reported, my idle mind starts to wander and finds something to occupy it. Today it happens to be “Dorks.” Just what is a Dork? Why does this occupy me? Because I fear I may be one. Anyway, I looked up the word in a dictionary and just found myself confused. There seems to be no very precise, or even passably good, definition. It seems that dork is the name given to the whale penis. It is also suggested that dork may be a variant on dick, dick being also a euphemism for penis. I do not find this very satisfactory because dick is also a variant on prick. A prick is a slang term for someone who does something untoward like double-crossing a friend, or talking behind one’s back, or being a really bad boss, stuff like that. I cannot accept this as another form of Dork. I asked a linguist friend of mine what Dork meant. After careful thought she replied it means an idiot who is not retarded. The trouble with this definition is that it is far too general and could encompass the entire human population. Then I thought maybe it was like “Nerd.” But as Nerds are said to be those who passionately pursue intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge or other obscure interests, I don’t think it is a synonym for Dork. Next I tried “Geek.” Originally the term Geek referred to someone in a carnival who bit the heads off live chickens. Now, however, a Geek is said to be an odd person, especially one who is obsessed with intellectuality, electronics, gaming, or some such. This is really pretty much like Nerd. I have concluded that as Best Buy has a Geek Squad, Geeks are really just the professional version of Nerds. I thought perhaps Dweebs might work, but Dweeb is apparently just a synonym for Nerd or Geek. Fink doesn’t work either, because Fink is probably too similar to Prick, being someone who rats on a friend. The older slang term, “Square” doesn’t work either, as Dorks don’t run around with lots of pens and pencils in their shirt pockets or wear polyester pants. None of these terms seem to me to truly define the essence of Dork, which is also considered slang for a quirky, silly and/or stupid, socially inept person, or one out of touch with contemporary trends. This seems to me far too severe a definition, although the part about being out of touch strikes a chord. To me a Dork is not stupid, silly, odd, or seriously inept, but might well be somewhat out of touch with contemporary culture. When I think of a Dork I think of someone who is basically sound but dresses in a style just a touch out of touch with the present. Similarly, I think of a person who enjoys something that is out of vogue and is perhaps a touch sentimental. In the case of literature, for example, someone who still reads and enjoys Hemingway, or even Thomas Wolfe (but not Dickens or Shakespeare). In music, perhaps someone who enjoys September Song and the Hawaiian Love Song (but not Guy Lombardo). In movies, fans of For Whom the Bell Tolls or It Happened One Night (but not The Ten Commandments or She Wore a Yellow Ribbon). I cannot accept that Dorks are idiots or even seriously socially inept, although they could be somewhat quirky. They certainly don’t rat on their friends. While they might not be too intellectual, they are far from stupid, merely being somewhat indifferent to (but not completely out of touch with) the most current trends. I like Nerds and Geeks and Dweebs, but I like Dorks the best. Unfortunate, that whale penis, it’s giving us Dorks a bad name. I wish the English language was more precise.

So…Sarah Palin’s 17 year-old daughter is five months pregnant. I guess those abstinence lessons don’t always pay dividends. Apparently the only reason we know this is because it was released to dispel the rumor that she was pregnant last year. Those hot-blooded Alaskans! Who’s looking after the kids while mama is pursuing McCain’s dream of a glorious Presidency and perpetual war?

LKBIQ:
“He talked with ardour, despised and irrefutable. His picturesque and filthy loquacity flowed like a troubled stream from a poisoned source.”
Joseph Conrad (before Dick the Slimy was even born)