Tennis Shoes - essay

Aaaagh! I can't take any more for the time being. Rumsfeld can't go to a meeting in Germany because he might be charged with war crimes. As far as I can see no one seems to think this is of any particular interest. Bush continues to spread his incredible lies about Social Security, somehow managing to not get laughed off the podium. We are supposed to believe that everything is just fine in Iraq. The Bush budget to be submitted on monday is going to cut the debt by half by 2009. Pigs are going to fly and the Rapture is coming soon. Forty eight percent of Americans believe that God has a special soft spot in his heart for Americans. Abortion is bad. Killing towelheads is good. More money for the rich is good, poverty is your own fault. We apparently have too many policemen and firefighters. We can't have cheaper drugs because the Pharmadeutical industry doesn't like it. Need I go on?

To escape momentarily here is another essay from my unwanted, uncollected, unpublished, and mostly unread prose.


Although well into my dotage I recently found it necessary to purchase a pair of what I referred to simply as "Tennis Shoes." The clerk, a luscious young thing in a too-tight T-shirt, looked at me in utter disbelief.
"You want shoes to play tennis in?" she queried.
"Well, no, I don't play tennis anymore. But you know, just tennis shoes."
She obviously had no idea what I was talking about. But she did lead me to the back of the store where I found myself completely surrounded by what were obviously sports shoes of one kind or another. I couldn't believe my eyes! Or my ears either, for that matter. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what has happened in the shoe business. When I was a boy and you wanted to play sports you simply went to the store and bought tennis shoes. Everyone knew what they were. There was only one kind. Canvas tops, rubber soles. Ankle length. Black. That was it.
What an education I received. First of all, there apparently are tennis shoes. That is, shoes made especially for playing tennis. There are, for example, "Baseline," "Hallmark," "Gallant," "Back Court," "Captor," "Conquest," and "Nemesis" models. And this was only in one store! Look a little further and you'll find shoes like "Xattack," "Vista," "Explorer," "Thief," "Blitz," "Bungali," "Stretch," and many, many more, far too numerous to mention. These models are made by different manufacturers with unusual imaginations. Frankly, except for some minor cosmetic differences, they all look pretty much the same to me.
But not only do they make tennis shoes, they also make running, walking, casual, hiking, basketball, and cross-training shoes (whatever they are). And in each of these categories there are at least seven different models made by a variety of different manufacturers. Actually, there are far more than this. It is all terribly confusing. But again, aside from very slight differences in design or color, they all looked pretty much alike to me. The luscious young clerk tried to convince me there were important differences. She failed. I defy anyone to show me significant differences between these virtually unlimited models of shoes. The whole thing is utterly ridiculous.
Alas, this is only the tip of the sports shoe iceberg. These shoes are apparently manufactured just for schmucks like me who don't know any better. The true afficionados turn their noses up at these relatively inexpensive but perfectly serviceable shoes. They go by brand names and, more importantly, by which superstar endorses them. Thus, for example, a Nike shoe endorsed by say, Michael Jordan, is at a premium. And, I might add, at a premium price. A pair like this, which I'll wager are no better than the more mundane shoes, can cost upwards of a week's salary for many people. Of course the children have to have them. They wouldn't be seen dead in anything else. And given how fast the little tykes grow out of them, a family of four must have difficulty staying above the poverty line.
In addition to preying on idol worship, these companies sometimes rely on gimmicks of one kind or another. For a while there was a model with a little light on the heel that lit up as you moved about. How this light might have helped walking or running is a mystery to me. But people bought them until the little mercury switch was shown to be environmentally harmful. But think of it! What a marketing ploy. Little lights on your shoes. Sick. Of course I believe choice is good. But so is sanity. Seen any lately?