Turkey breasts - essay

I attended a Democratic pancake and politics breakfast this morning. I cannot deal with any more politics today. Here is another essay.


What is this obsession we Americans have with turkey breasts? Can there be anything more dry and tasteless than turkey breast? Yet over the years the turkey growers of America have invested tons of money, yes, tons, developing genetically modified turkeys that are virtually all breast. Indeed, this practice has resulted in turkeys with breasts so large the creatures can no longer even breed on their own and have to be artificially bred. Me, I like dark meat. Dark meat has virtually disappeared from turkeys. The legs have become so shrunken they can barely support these gigantic swollen breasts. Next time you see a turkey come out of the oven observe how obscene that enormous breast appears when compared with the rest of the beast. Breasts are in, drumsticks are out. How can this be? How did it come about?
It has to do with fat, of course. Americans, especially American women, are not only obsessed with turkey breasts they are also obsessed with fat. That is, with the absence of fat. So...as turkey breasts have little or no fat the two things go together. Of course, as we all know, the less fat the less flavor. People seem to be willing to put up with the absence of flavor in the interest of low fat. Is there anyone anywhere who is prepared to argue that turkey breasts have flavor?
Oh, I know that there might be one cook in a thousand that can cook a turkey with a relatively moist breast. I emphasize relatively because even when slightly moist, turkey breast is barely a cut above dry alfalfa. That is precisely why it is always served either with loads of gravy or cranberry sauce or both. Without these accompaniments it is virtually inedible. And even if it is relatively moist when it comes out of the oven an hour later it is dry as the Sahara desert. Even dryer.
Of course it's much better if you can get a slice of breast with the skin still on it. Skin is good. It's fat. That's why it's good. But nowadays you rarely if ever get a slice with the skin still on it. In fact if you reach for a piece of turkey skin nowadays you'll probably get your hand slapped along with a lecture on how bad turkey skin is for your health. As if anyone eats turkey skin for their health!
I'd venture to say that most children are aware of this problem with the turkeys. I've actually seen children gag when forced to eat white meat of turkey. Once they are old enough to understand what's happening they beg for dark meat. Drumsticks. That's what children want. Why do they want drumsticks? For flavor, of course. Children aren't stupid, like their parents. They don't get into "low-fat" until middle age. And I'll wager that even then they have to force themselves to forego the drumsticks and thighs in favor of "what's good for them." Does anyone understand just how ridiculous this is? Think of it. How many times a year does one eat turkey? Probably no more than twice on an average. Thus if a person lives to be 70 years of age he or she has probably eaten turkey no more than 140 times at most. How many calories of fat do you suppose you save over 140 turkey meals by avoiding the dark meat? Not many, I'd wager. It's certainly not as if you're eating turkey every day. Not as if you're eating a whole turkey every time. So why not come to your senses and enjoy?
If the turkey breeders and growers of American had had any genuine interest in their product they would have spent those millions on genetic research to breed turkeys with four legs. Four big legs. Four enormous flavorful, moist, tender, delicious drumsticks! How could they have gone so wrong?