Dining on the road

Woman refuses sex,
is stabbed by her own
stiletto heel.

I find it more and more difficult to find anything to eat anymore, when traveling, that is. First, I completely refuse to eat in fast food restaurants like MacDonald’s, Wendy’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, Jack-in-the-Box, and so on. I believe their food is designed to please people who either need or want to eat cheaply. Generally speaking, I suspect this kind of food is not very good for you and probably contributes to the obesity epidemic that we are hearing so much about. Fat food appeals to most people as, unfortunately, that is most likely where the taste is. I do not necessarily condemn such restaurants, I merely refuse to eat in them. Besides, I prefer wine with my meals.

Similarly, I do not like eating in chain restaurants like Chili’s, Friday’s, Outback, Denny’s, The Cheesecake Factory, The Olive Garden, and such. Obviously lots of people like these types of restaurants. I don’t, even if they do serve wine. These chains, I suspect, serve mostly already prepared foods that can easily be put together and/or put in the microwave. I like my food prepared from scratch. Fat chance of that nowadays. Again, I do not mean to condemn these places, I just like to avoid them if at all possible.

Obviously, if you eliminate Fast Food places and Chain Restaurants, that doesn’t leave much. Indeed, very often it leaves nothing at all. I always look for little Mom and Pop restaurants where they try to please by serving truly fresh foods, preferably locally grown, and put together after you have ordered them. Such places are increasingly rare. While there are still a goodly number of privately owned restaurants, they are not necessarily as described above. And I have learned to be careful of certain things. Cute names, for example, turn me off. “The Mangy Moose,” for example, might be a terrific restaurant, but I wouldn’t eat there. Nor would I eat in a place called “The Hungry Bear,” “Fat Alberts,” “The Rustler’s Roost,” “Grandma’s,” or “Home Base.” I believe such places think that the name will appeal to you and bring you in so they do not depend upon the food to do that. You also have to be wary of Restaurants that trade on the view, natural landmarks, unusual décor, and such. The Space Needle in Seattle, for example, offers a tremendous view but to me the food doesn’t match the view. Snoqualmie Lodge is another such place, as are many restaurants perched right on the ocean shore. I do not believe such places trade on the quality of their cuisine, but, rather, on their locations and such. Naturally, I could be quite wrong about some of these places. There may be some that have both great food and a view. My personal experience does not, generally speaking, bear that out, so I tend to avoid them if at all possible.

I have also learned there are certain other things that should be avoided in selecting a place to dine. “Giant Pronto Pups,” is perhaps too obvious to mention. And any restaurant that advertises “All you can eat” something-or-other, whether it be spaghetti, fried chicken, fish, or whatever, should be avoided. “All you can eat” restaurants have to be peculiarly American, appealing as they do to gluttonous types who care more for quantity than quality. Can you imagine a French or Italian restaurant advertising all you can eat? You should also avoid restaurants that have huge menus that offer most everything that can be cooked. It seems obvious they do nothing well while striving to do everything. These places are tricky because sometimes you have to be inside before you realize what you are getting into. When I encounter such a situation I leave (unless the nearest other place is too far away). I personally also avoid restaurants that advertise “A Family Restaurant.” I don’t hate children, I just don’t want to deal with them while trying to enjoy a meal. They tend to be noisy, sloppy, mischievous, and cry a lot. I prefer to do without them when dining.

No doubt you have concluded that I am a snob when it comes to food. That is not entirely true. For example, I would cheerfully eat pickled pig’s feet, hog’s jowls, sardines, and many things that could not conceivably be considered snob food. And I love home made sausages, pierogi, borst, and such things. Furthermore, I would not necessarily avoid a place called “Babe’s,” or “Joe’s Diner,” or any number of “local” dining spots. I wouldn’t necessarily even avoid places that advertise honestly with signs that say simply, “Food,” or even “Eats.” But alas, such places are rapidly disappearing, being squeezed out by chains and cheap fast foods. What a pity. So what do we do when we travel? We prepare and take our own food in a cooler and a picnic basket. It’s not only cheaper, it’s far, far better, and better for your health.

LKBIQ:
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields]