It isn't fun anymore

Egyptian woman demands elderly husband
stage expensive marriage for her cat.
He balks, she sues for divorce, he relents.

When George Saunders reached his 65th birthday he left a note saying, “life isn’t fun anymore,” and shot himself. I think I understand at least part of his problem. We have in some cases carried trivialities to extremes. This is especially true, I think, when it comes to the relations between men and women, although I’m sure there will be some who disagree. Take the latest example. Yesterday Barack Obama made the mistake of addressing a woman, a reporter I believe, as “sweetie.” Sensing his mistake he immediately apologized. For what? Is addressing a woman you don’t know as sweetie truly derogatory? What is derogatory about it? Should he have said Ms. Whatever-your- name-is? I can’t see this as much of a problem. Of course if he had addressed a woman much older than himself as sweetie it might have been a bit different. But why should a man addressing a reporter who is there ostensibly to ask him questions, when he doesn’t know her name, have to apologize for addressing her as sweetie? Seems silly to me. Lots of women address me as “honey.” Waitresses, clerks, salesladies, and others often address me this way. Rarely, one even addresses me as sweetie. No one seems to think it is inappropriate or derogatory (I suppose there may be extremists who might think so). But, again, this is trivial. I don’t take offense, I don’t think they are “talking down” to me. They don’t know my name, so what should they call me, Mr. so-and-so? “Hey, you,” I might find offensive.

There are terms that are obviously derogatory in context. Everyone knows, for example, that addressing a black man as “boy” is a real no-no. You would never say, “hey, boy, move your car.” But you would probably say, “hey, man, mind moving your car?” Most of us know the limits of culturally appropriate and inappropriate terms of address.

But the problem, I think, goes beyond just these truly trivial matters. I believe, for example, there are differences between women and men. I don’t mean obvious physical differences, but differences in behavior, in attitudes, and even in values. These are not important differences, but they used to be fodder for humorists. I think women have different attitudes and behaviors towards many things, and men sometimes think these can be amusing. For example, I think women have very different attitudes towards ice cream and chocolates, tending to think they are just a little bit “sinful.” Similarly, I think that (in general, mind you) women have different approaches to the telephone and its use. Women drivers were the subject of jokes for many years. Men, myself included, used to write essays about some of these differences. They were not intended to be “put-downs,” just interesting observations about interesting but not very important things. But no more. If you dare to say anything about women drivers, or women on the telephone, or in the ice cream parlor, you risk being pilloried.

As above, I don’t believe that men, in general, would demand an expensive hotel wedding for their cat. Men, in general, if left on their own, would not decorate their houses as women do. Women, in general, are not as interested in tools as are men. Men’s inability, or unwillingness to ask for directions, is a constant theme in our culture. No one takes offense at that. But say something about women drivers and watch out. Women are, I’m pretty certain, much more interested in clothes than men, and they are almost certainly more interested in shopping. These are differences that exist. They’re no big deal. They are not differences that make a difference. But they used to be grist for the humor mills. We seem to have lost that. Life is just not fun anymore (at least not as fun as it used to be).

LKBIQ:
“I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world.”
Peter Ustinov