Bedbugs & stuff

Before I get to the problem of bedbugs let me briefly comment on the last couple of days, although I mostly missed them. Let's see, sixteen of our intelligence agencies put out a report that indicated that our illegal, immoral, unnecessary "war" in Iraq has actually increased the problem of terrorism in the world. Bush, of course, immediately responded that this couldn't be true and released the full report (which basically confirmed that indeed it was true). His claim that this was leaked only for political reasons fell on deaf ears because it was, in fact, the conclusions of bipartisan investigations by his own administration into the issue. Bush knows better than his intelligence agencies because, you know, he speaks directly with God.

Condi Rice, our incompetent Secretary of State, took exception to Clinton's tirade on Fox News about the inaction of the Bush Administration with respect to terrorism. She did this by asserting a number of demonstrably false assertions about the Bush response to the warnings prior to 9/11. Negroponte, our czar of intelligence, made some absolutely pathetic remarks about how the report didn't really mean what it said (actually he avoided responding directly by merely asserting that we were more aware and more vigilantly pursuing the terrorists than formerly). The Bush/Cheney people apparently think Americans will believe even the most outrageous lies if repeated often enough. As Jackass Two is the most watched movie in the U.S. at the moment they are probably right.

Rumsfeld, who has brought new meaning to utter incompetence, has been more or less silent lately. Retired Generals are publicly accusing him of his terrible mistakes. Cheney (Dick the Slimy), whose poll ratings are lower than a snake's belly, has all but disappeared except to his profiteering cronies who apparently meet in secret under the various rocks he hides under trying to think of further ways to steal taxpayer money. Man, when you think of Cheney, your have to think of one really evil dude.

But now to the real problem confronting America. Bedbugs. Bedbugs used to be much more common than they have been in recent years. This no doubt has to do with more enlightened standards of cleanliness, the availability of washer-dryers, the more than once a week saturday night baths, and so on. But according to reports I have heard there is now a virtual epidemic of bedbugs in the U.S. They seem to be worse in New York, San Francisco and Chicago than elsewhere, although I gather they are spreading rapidly. Bedbugs are very hard to kill and eliminate once you have them. They have not been linked to spreading diseases but they are most unpleasant, live on blood, and bite frequently anyone unfortunate enough to encounter them. I assure you, you would not want to have them. They are far worse than head or body lice.

Now, how do you explain this sudden epidemic of bedbugs? As we have not had a big problem with them for years here in the U.S., it is probably safe to assume they have come from elsewhere. They have almost certainly come in on planes and ships, from who knows where. As far as I know no European country has admitted to bedbugs (of course it would certainly be in their best interest to lie and not admit to having bedbugs), perhaps they have come from the Middle East. Yes, I bet that is it. They are part of the terrorist organizations that are attacking us. How clever. How despicable. How sneaky. Here we have been worrying all this time about dirty bombs and such and the terrorists have outwitted us again. Bedbugs. Who would have thought it? They are going to drive us crazy with itching and bedbugs. And it is all Bill Clinton's fault. If he had captured or killed Osama bin Laden we wouldn't have to put up with all these bedbugs. But as he made no attempt to get bin Laden, as Bush/Cheney have (just ask Condi Rice), this is the price we are having to pay for his inactivity. Yes, that's it. It's all Clinton's fault. If he had spent more time trying to get bin Laden than he did pursuing that poor innocent virginal Monica Lewinsky (who arrived in Washington with her knee pads and thong underwear) we certainly wouldn't have this problem with bedbugs.

I suggest if you're having trouble with this, read Richard Clark's book on the subject. Richard Clark? What did he know? He didn't speak with God.