On Sex Addiction

During reconciliation talks
she slashes and stabs him
with two butcher knives.

Allow me to express my more than merely mild skepticism over the concept of sex addiction. While it might not be a true oxymoron I think it’s lingering nearby. This is not meant to be specifically about Tiger Woods, but has been brought to my attention by his particular case. I do not believe sex addiction is included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, nor do I recall hearing any mention of it until recently (don’t bet that it won’t eventually appear in the Manual). Tiger Woods has said he has been in therapy for his sexual addiction. I gather that Jesse James (the husband of actress so-and-so) has also now claimed a similar attempt. And there are some psychiatrists and others who insist there really is such a thing as sex addiction (but there are others who do not agree).

I have been struggling to try to understand just what an addiction to sex might entail. First, I think this is playing rather fast and loose with the term “addict.” Most commonly, I believe an addiction is something that you cannot stop and it usually has unpleasant consequences when one attempts to stop, withdrawal symptoms of various kinds. I have not heard anyone claim there are physiological effects from not having sex (perhaps that is yet to come). The only other meaning of addiction has to do with an extremely broad-based claim that people can be psychologically addicted as well as physiologically addicted. That is, it is possible with the psychological explanation that people can be addicted to gambling, coca-cola, chewing gum, pornography, stealing shoes, fetishing feet, coffee, and perhaps even bagels.

Assuming there are such things as psychological addictions, it would seem to me there are far too many possibilities that might exist. Some married women, for example, might believe their husbands are sex addicts because of their too frequent demands for sex. Can you be a sex addict if you are only addicted to sex with your wife? It would seem in Tiger’s case it must have had something to do with having sex with lots of different women. But since when has that been an addiction? Besides, it is hard to see as an addiction, the seeking out a different woman every night. That just doesn’t make much sense. I suppose one could also be addicted to masturbation and masturbatory fantasies, or interested in sex to the point of thinking of little else. Some ordinary teenagers and young men might well fit this profile of sex addiction. And of course there is pornography. No doubt there are men who spend a great deal of time watching, even collecting, pornography. I guess it could be said they are addicted to it. Then there are those individuals who seem to be addicted to having sex with boys or young girls. As these types seem unable to control these perverse desires it might be possible to ascribe their behavior as some form of addiction. I suppose it might be possible to argue that someone might be addicted to voyeurism or even to exposing himself. Finally, there are some rare perversions so bizarre that you might conclude the practitioners must be addicted to them or they wouldn’t or couldn’t participate in them at all.

While I am having trouble with the concept of sex addiction itself, I am even more at sea when it comes to trying to think about therapy for sex addicts. As there are not as yet any pills for sex addiction (at least not that I am aware of, and they may well be forthcoming), what forms of therapy are available? Of course there is the old tried and true method employed by some married women who just insist a cold shower will do the trick. I suppose in some cases classical psychoanalytic techniques might be employed. That is, talking to a psychiatrist and trying to trace your problem back to some infantile or youthful trauma, or some problem with your parents, and so on. Maybe after many years of this kind of therapy there might emerge that insightful breakthrough that will explain it all and you will thereby be “cured.” Only the very rich can afford this treatment, so what else might be available? Perhaps sex addicts can be slowly weaned from their behavior in one way or another. Say, for example, if someone is addicted to pornographic videos, could you slowly get them, when they have an overwhelming desire to watch a pornographic film, to watch a Disney movie instead, perhaps something like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves or The Little Mermaid? Using this method slowly over time you presumably might lead them away from their problem and into a much healthier life style. Various kinds of aversion therapy are no doubt available. That is, you could have them watch people having sex and then dump a vat of hot water on them. Or, perhaps better yet, you could place some electrodes on their buttocks and just when they were about to attain maximum pleasure you could deliver a really powerful electric shock. Maybe group therapy would work, like Alcoholics Anonymous. You could have Sex Addicts Anonymous whereby they could weekly review their behavior, discuss how they got there, pray, and swear they won’t do it again. No doubt there are other techniques I am unaware of, and that might or might not work. In the case of Tiger Woods, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that his therapy consisted of hitting another 500 golf balls and playing another 18 holes, whenever he felt that overwhelming urge coming on. Am I cynical or what?

I do not doubt that some people are more interested in sex than others, and no doubt pursue it more intensely than others. And I am also aware there are nymphomaniacs. It could be argued, I think, that such people are not so much interested in sex as they are in pleasure. This poses for me a bit of a problem in that when I think of addiction I tend to think of something unpleasant, something one would rather not have. But if seeking pleasure is an addiction this puts addiction in an entirely different perspective. I suspect that most people seek pleasure, so what distinguishes one pleasure seeker as an addict and another as just a normal person? I guess maybe it has to do with quantity.

Unfortunately, one person’s pleasure can be the source of considerable pain to others. I hope the medical profession will think carefully before adding sex addiction to the Manual, but as there is money to be made here, don’t bet on it.

The more I think about it, being somewhat old-fashioned, I think I might prefer the excuse, “The Devil made me do it.” I bet a real authentic exorcism would cure sex addiction in a hurry, and save a lot of money to boot.

LKBIQ:
Men seek but one thing in life - their pleasure.
W. Somerset Maugham

TILT:
Rhinoceroses have highly developed senses of smell and hearing but do not see very well.