Robbers of the Washington Forest

I was really worried there for a while before the election. I thought our Merry Band of Robbers in Washington might actually lose the election. I should have known they were far too sly to let that happen. Now I can breathe easy again knowing we are in good hands. We managed to retain our charismatic leader, Bush the Infallible. And, of course, his right hand man, Dick the Slimy (the real brains of the outfit). We’re going to lose Powell the Useless, but he’ll be ably replaced by Condoleeza the Incompetent. This is good as she will be able to work well with the new Director of the CIA, Goss the Toady. And of course Rumsfeld the Failed will be kept on board because he is doing such a “spectacular” job. He is going to be joined soon by our new Attorney General, Gonzales the Evil (to insure no change in our torture policy). Hastert the Dumb will continue as head of the House and Frist the Unsure will continue to run the Senate. Then, of course, there will still be Wolfowitz the Schemer and Perle the Nasty. Of course there is all the rest of the Cabinet, so undistinguished as to be unnoticeable unless they really screw something up – toadies all. Yes-men and women to a fault. Rest assured, we have nothing to worry about. This band of merry thieves will continue to lurk in the Washington Forest in their sleek limousines, passing up no opportunity to steal from the poor and give to the rich. Happy days are with us still.

I see that Newt the Hypocrite Gingrich is thinking of running for President in 2008. This is the guy who has been married three times, divorced one wife while she was in the hospital with cancer. commited adultery, and was engaged in an illicit relationship at the very same time he was criticizing Clinton for the same thing. He wants to be President? I guess the morals crowd will be glad to have him, along with their doper Limbaugh and sex mad O’Reilly, to say nothing of their gambling friend Bennett and the assorted fundamentalists already convicted to just about everything under the sun. It’s a Grand Old Party indeed! I guess nobody told Gingrich that Jeb is going to be the candidate and the fix is already in.

Things are going really well in Iraq. That is why Rumsfeld is thinking of sending in the death squads. The national debt is not a problem, as Reagan showed us. Social Security is going broke tomorrow. The lawyers are ruining the country. The minimum wage can’t be raised because it would totally destroy business. We need more tax breaks for the wealthy. Gays are recruiting in the schools and threatening to get married. Anti-abortionists are encouraging illegal abortionists to sharpen their coat hangers, and the tsunami was brought about as God’s punishment for liberals. Not to worry, George the Infallible has it all under control. It’s a wonderful world.