The Republican Convention

Welcome to the largest convention of liars, hypocrites, mindless sheep, right wing wackos and religious loonies ever convened. The Republican Convention in New York City. The delegates were welcomed by probably the biggest liar of all, Dick “the Slimy” Cheney, who is destined to speak again tomorrow night. John “what you did to me and now to John Kerry is disgusting and reprehensible” McCain, but I will hug you in public and support you anyway. There will also be a speech by Laura Bush who apparently believes that slander is the same thing as telling the truth and that there have been “millions of ads” denigrating her husband (would that there were). Rudolf “the hypocrite” Giuliani, is apparently going to compare (gasp) George W. Bush to Winston Churchill, a comparison so unbelievably far-fetched as to absolutely boggle the mind. No matter, the mindless sheep that make up most of the delegates, will cheer and applaud no matter how outrageous the lies, hypocritical the speaker, or far-fetched the claims.

You won’t hear much from the right wing wackos, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Perle, Ashcroft, Feith, and others because, having been exposed for the absolutely deceitful, disgusting, and dishonest folk they really are, and the terrible horrors they are responsible for, they are keeping a low profile these days, apparently hoping their day will come again. Don’t worry, they haven’t gone away. They are just busy behind the scenes trying to foment a war with Iran, thinking that it will be good for Israel, will help salvage the Bush Presidency, and will advance their agenda of taking over the world.

You won’t hear anything from the lunatic right either. They have been relegated to the sidelines so as to present a totally distorted view of what the Republican party has become. They will be there for sure, no doubt the whole bunch: Jerry Falwell, Gary Bauer, Ralph Reed, Pat Robertson, and many of the other ultraconservative fundamentalist, wanting to make certain the plank to have a constitutional amendment against gay rights doesn’t disappear and that anti-abortion activities will move forward as planned. Falwell has already confessed he will be there “with V.I.P. credentials.”

Also no doubt lurking around the aisles will be the myriad other Republican hypocrites: Bob “viagra” Dole who although he received his purple heart from wounding himself, claims that Kerry received his “with no blood” (as he was not present and this is contradicted by the facts, one wonders about Mr. Dole’s motives (and sanity). Also no doubt the Republicans number one hypocrite, Newt “Rasputin” Gingrich will be there, along with other no less hypocritical souls like Bill Frist, Dennis Hastert, Tom “the absolutely repulsive” DeLay, Trent “the racist” Lott, and many others just like them. I’m not sure that Alan “a machine gun in every hand” Keyes was even invited, even though he was recruited by the Republicans to run a totally hypocritical carpetbaggers campaign in Illinois. God apparently told him to do it. Bush apparently does not have a private line to God. Not to worry, the convention will assure us that “happy times are here again,” in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.