"Winners"

Enraged when his wife fails
cook his eggs properly, Kentuckian
shoots five people and himself.

The winners sit and smile and tell jokes, the losers say, “Deal the goddamn cards.” The primary game is now over, the deck is being shuffled for the major events. A brief view of the big tea party winners is probably in order. Let’s start with one of the best, Rand Paul. He has already indicated that he thinks private businesses, like restaurants, for example, should be able to discriminate if they wish. He thinks the civil rights bill went too far. He has also said that child labor is probably okay because, “In poor families the children have to pitch in,” and also apparently tends to believe mine owners are often innocent because, “sometimes mines just collapse.” More importantly he believes that “concentrations of corporate power can’t get too great,” and “capitalism is freedom.” He wants to give tax breaks to the obscenely wealthy, and, although he is an ardent fiscal conservative, he admits he doesn’t know how to pay for it. In other words, like his father, he would turn the clock back quite a long way.

Joe Miller of Alaska seems to believe that unemployment benefits are unconstitutional and should not be allowed. He also wants to phase out Social Security and privatize it, as well as rescind the health care legislation. He is joined in this by Marco Rubio of Florida, said to be a “Tea Party darling,” who firmly believes in the institution of free enterprise (the free market economy that has recently failed). And, although from a Cuban immigrant family thinks that amnesty won’t work. I don’t know much about Mike Lee of Utah other than that he is supported by the National Rifle Association and is another Tea Party candidate. Ken Buck of the neighboring state of Colorado believes that Social Security is a “horrible policy,” abortion should be banned even in cases of rape or incest, the 14th amendment should be changed so that the children of illegal immigrants cannot be citizens, and there should be a closer relationship between church and state. Do not forget Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, wealthy, self-financed candidate who also wants to repeal the health care bill, privatize Social Security, and is ardently pro-life. These winners, with their modestly loony ideas pale into insignificance when contrasted with the completely loony Sharon Angle and Christine O’Donnell.

Angle of Nevada has said we should do away with the Department of Education (she’s a former teacher) and get out of the United Nations, and that’s just for starters. She, too, like all of the above, would phase out Social Security and Medicare. In addition, she believes there are “enemies” in our Congress, the press should only ask her questions she wants to answer, and has suggested that if Republicans can’t get their way through the ballot they should turn to their 2nd amendment solution (guns, that is). She thinks abortion should not be allowed, even in cases of rape or incest, because she’s a Christian and knows that God has plans for all things. She seems singularly over-obsessed with Harry Reid and has also said she is “For a government of my God, by my God, and for My God.” She is such a strong candidate she beat out a rival who suggested paying your doctor with chickens, and has probably insured a win against all odds by Harry Reid.

By far the most scintillating, dynamic, Tea Party candidate of all (at least at the moment) is Christine O’Donnell of Delaware (said now to be another Sarah Palin) who, in spite of little experience to speak of, upset a strong favorite Republican candidate with a long and proven track record of service for the people of Delaware. The MSM has gone absolutely bonkers over this exciting news. Perhaps O’Donnell’s greatest claim to fame is her anti-masturbation plank. She thinks masturbation is “adultery” and should not be engaged in (a peculiarly interesting philosophical idea probably far too sophisticated for the average mind to grasp). Of course she is against most everything else the above are against and in addition thinks women should not be allowed in military training (or I guess the military in general) as they will decrease the efficiency of our troops. I think the main reason we should think of supporting her is that she never lies, ever. She reported once that even if the Nazis came to her door and asked her if she was hiding a Jew, and even if she was hiding a Jew, she would not lie (like Angle, she believes God would somehow intervene with a solution). Now you have to admit that is a truly commendable virtue, but I believe she will soon have to abandon it entirely if she thinks she has a future in politics. But wait! There’s more. She believes there is more evidence for creationism than there is for evolution and that God created everything in six days. She thinks scientists are conducting cross-species experiments in which mice can develop human brains, condoms cause aids, and she that Bill Clinton might well have had something to do with the “murder” of Vince Foster. She is, indeed, a real winner. Republicans have announced they will support her.

Turning from the Senatorial scene for the moment, and last but not least to this new crop of Republican candidates, consider for a moment Carl Poladino, a filthy rich, filthy fellow trying to buy the office of New York Governor. He says he is angry and against big government (he made most of his fortune renting buildings to the government). Paladino is a blatant racist who sends out racist messages to his followers. He is also into hard-core pornography involving naked women and bestiality. He recently produced a picture of President Obama dressed as a pimp, accompanied by Michelle dressed as a prostitute. Real class, huh? He apparently believes that a majority of New Yorkers share these interests as he says he doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t watch similar stuff to vote for him. Oh well, I guess Governor of New York isn’t much of a position anyway.

So there they are, the big winners of Tuesday, and a truly fine lot they are. I’m sure that if they win they will join Senators DeMint and Inhofe to greatly improve our nation. Many think they can’t win in November. Not Jim DeMint(ed) who says they will. So let the game begin. Oh, I forgot to mention economics. Guess what, they are all for cutting taxes, especially for the richest people of all. They also all deny global warming.

LKBIQ:
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain

TILT:
Southern wolves have brains 5 to 10% smaller than northern wolves.