Saturday, March 27, 2010

The World Sort of Turns

Widow takes his ashes
on world tour he missed
because of his fear of flying.

I suppose I might write a blog about Silly Sarah and John the Elder but I can’t bring myself to do it, it’s just too absurd and Silly Sarah is precisely the kind of housewifey know-it-all that could easily excite me (and I suspect many other men) to domestic violence. So let me offer a brief run-down of some recent events in the ongoing comedy otherwise known as human behavior:

An immigrant couple was arrested because there were photos of the man kissing his baby. Really, this happened. A clerk in some store processing film saw pictures of a man kissing a baby and suspected him of child abuse. The child was taken into protective custody, the parents may be deported, hopefully back to some country where men routinely kiss their babies. It is not clear what will happen to the baby.

A man was arrested for running through the meat section in a supermarket with a knife, cutting open packages and throwing raw beef on the floor. He said he was doing it to protect girls from becoming chubby. He is a vegetarian who was angry at his mother for cooking a pot roast.

A 33 year-old man was arrested for beating a quadruple amputee because she was blocking his view of the television.

A pregnant Seattle woman was hit with a stun gun because she refused to sign a citation, thinking it might mean she was guilty. She was driving a son to a sporting event. No doubt he learned a lesson about law enforcement.

A road rage incident was sparked because a driver had an Obama bumper sticker. A car following him repeatedly rammed into his back bumper, gave him the finger, and shouted obscenities.

As I have mentioned before, after 68 years of marriage a 90 year-old man murdered his 89 year-old wife during a domestic dispute.

The first male prostitute at a Nevada brothel quit because there was not enough demand.

A drunken man was arrested in Pennsylvania for giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a dead opossum.

In Memphis a corpse was found under the bed in a motel room where a couple had just spent the night. It was not clear how long the corpse had been there.

As you are no doubt aware this is just a teeny-weenie sample of what passes for everyday life here in the U.S. (and, I am sure, around the rest of the world as well). And these are only mild examples!

Perhaps a better example of the absurdity of human behavior might be found characteristic of Republicans. They have held up Obama appointments to important posts in government for months for purely political reasons. Now they are angry because he has made 15 recess appointments. He did this in spite of a letter they sent him signed by all 41 of the fools asking him not to do it. Go figure. Go Obama!

Several weeks ago I googled the question: “Why was Edward Kennedy called Teddy?” I began receiving “Google alerts” regularly, at least one every day and often more than one. I have yet to receive one that says simply that “Teddy” is a common nickname for Edward. Go figure.

I think it is quite interesting that Silly Sarah is campaigning for McCain, a basic nobody trying to help someone who was somebody. I wouldn’t vote for McCain no matter what, but you know what, the guy running against him for his Republican Senate seat is far worse. It’s hard to believe but I think it’s true.

Once when I first started this blog I suggested that the worst country-western song was probably “Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life.” Someone from England commented: “How about ‘It’s Mighty Lonesome in the Saddle Since My Horse Died.'” See, there used to be things that were actually funny.

Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.
Tom Masson

There may be as few as 100 red wolves surviving in the wild.

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