Taxes

Woman in reverse runs over
husband; unaware, she goes
forward, runs over him again.

It is that awful time of year again when taxes become due. Income taxes, that is, other taxes go on all the time. Gas taxes, taxes on clothes, taxes on booze, cigarettes, guns, and just about anything you can think of. Here in Idaho we even have a tax on groceries. Can you believe a tax on food, a basic necessity? Now I hear they are considering a tax on pizza. We already have that so I suppose it will just increase. The income tax is the worst.

I don’t object to taxes in principle. You know, when you live in a complex culture taxes are a necessity. We have to have policemen, firemen, roads, bridges, schools, stuff like that. I don’t object to the income tax when I assume it is being used for some useful purpose. I object, however, when I realize my taxes are being used to kill innocent people all around the globe for more often than not completely unnecessary “wars.” I find it morally reprehensible that my taxes are used primarily for the military/industrial/political complex that now has control of our lives. I especially resent it when I think about the fact that I am helpless to do anything about it. Of course I could refuse to pay my taxes, but that would only result in lots of trouble and potentially even prison. I don’t even hate the IRS. They are just doing their job, disgusting as it is.

What I really hate is the fact that having to pay income taxes makes me feel so completely stupid. I don’t have a lot of money, and I don’t have a very large income, but it is just large enough, and comes from enough different sources, there is absolutely no way I could possibly do my own taxes. I have to hire an accountant and put up with his/her paternalism (and hope that they actually know what they are doing). As it appears to be the case, probably no one in the entire United States actually understands our complete tax code, and it becomes more difficult and complex year after year, non- stop. I don’t cheat, I try to be as completely honest as I can, but I absolutely dread the fear of being audited and how complicated and difficult that would be. I have no doubt an auditor, if they wished, could find me in violation of rules and regulations that neither I nor my accountant were aware of. This whole procedure is basically just a non-written, unstated agreement that I will try to do the best I can and they will overlook most of the errors, as it is much simpler that way. As I am not in a high bracket I doubt they care very much as long as it appears to be reasonable. Aside from the fact that I have to pay, the whole enterprise is basically a farce. I know it, my accountant knows it, and the IRS knows it, but we all conspire to pretend it makes sense. As long as you pay, and as long as it appears within reason, it makes enough sense to continue year after year until you mercifully pass away (no one dies anymore, they all just “pass away,” or, more rarely, “are called to meet their maker”). I look back fondly to one of the tax experts I had in California. He was recommended to me by friends on the faculty and agreed to come to my office. I looked with amazement, even awe, when he first appeared, a large heavy-set Black man with one eye that seemed to have a life of its own, his shirt open to the navel, displaying a pair of heavy gold chains. He had a large diamond ring. The first question he asked me was “How do you feel about paying your taxes?” He was not only an accountant but also a lawyer. I loved him.

You know there was no income tax in the United States until 1861 when one was created to help pay for the Civil War. The first tax was 3% of anything over $800. Until 1941 the tax rate for the lower bracket was never more than about 4%, it went up that year to 10%. It was not until well into the 1930’s that the income tax was considered much of a problem for ordinary folk. I remember when I was a child overhearing a conversation between my father and another man. My father asked him how he was going to get around paying some tax. He replied, “I’ll just claim I made this money before there was a tax and kept it in a safe deposit box.” I don’t know why this stuck in my memory all these years but it has. It was not uncommon in the 1930’s and even into the 40’s for people in my father’s “business” to keep their money in cash rather than deposit it in a bank (not unwise, given all the bank failures in those days).

When the Tiger Woods scandal first occurred and there was doubt about whether he would ever play golf again, I said he would play in the Master’s. I am sooo smart! It was obvious he would play in the Master’s. He has an excellent chance to beat Jack Nicklaus’s record of 18 majors (I believe he has 14 already) so I knew he would not take a chance of missing every opportunity to win every possible Major Tournament. So now, having done his obligatory penance, attended some pretentious “sex clinic,” apparently more or less made up with his wife (or at least convinced her to stick with him), he is ready to go. The tour will make more money than ever, Tiger probably will also, and if he wins and keeps on winning no one will care how many affairs he had. And really, why should they? What does his private life have to do with his golf? He is the greatest golfer in the world, quite probably the greatest that will ever be. It would be unthinkable for him not to continue his quest. I wish him and his wife well. I hope he wins the Master’s.

LKBIQ:
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Paula Poundstone

TILT:
My cats will not eat corned beef.