Rationalizing Romney

If I were a Republican (I’d sooner flagellate myself), and if I had to think (if I could actually think at all) about which Republican candidate I might support, and if I had to actually reveal my decision (I would prefer not to do so), I would pick Willard Mitt Romney.

It is true that Romney is a terrible speaker, he has not been good in the debates (he seems to be getting a bit better), he makes gaffe after gaffe, is stiff and awkward at times, has all the social skills of an Irish Setter, comes across as the consummate Nerd, and obviously pretends not to be what he is. And when Governor of Massachusetts he passed that absolutely dreadful socialistic health care bill on which Obamacare was modeled. But he does have some advantages. For one, he has more available funds, and two, he has a better organization. He is also filthy rich, that is good. He has a nice family and has only been married once, that, too, is good. He wants to go to war with Iran, another good. And he doesn’t hesitate to make up lies about President Obama, like claiming Obama will make war on religion, his bailout of the Auto Industry was corrupt, that he is weak on national defense, and so on, all good. But he also has one further advantage, by far the most important one --he’s the only one of the four remaining candidates, that is relatively SANE.

Rick Santorum, Romney’s number one opponent at the moment, is an absolute religious nut-case, so extreme in his views about sex, contraception, birth control, Planned Parenthood, foreign policy, global warming, the environment, education, and most anything else you can name, as to be completely nonsensical, to say nothing of coming right out of the 19th century and betraying an ignorance so awesome and profound as to make you wonder if he might be just way too “unbalanced” (to put it politely) to ever be President. In fact, if he were serious about becoming anything but the nominee he would not be saying such ridiculous things. I think there is some reason to believe he was never serious about becoming President in the first place.

Newt Gingrich, a has-been Speaker of the House, is an egomaniacal pontificator who blurts out whatever comes into his head at the moment that he thinks will draw attention to himself. He, too, I believe, never thought he could ever become President and entered the contest mainly to sell more of his fantasy line of books. When every time he has any positive news about his campaign he immediately announces he will be the candidate, and even more grandiose he announced that by the end of his second term as President (he did not even have the nomination) he would have established a colony on the moon, you begin to suspect (if you had not already known about him) that he has “a screw loose” somewhere in that oversized head. There is little doubt that Newton is basically in it for himself. He has managed to survive so far because of his billionaire Jewish backer who believes Newt is good for Israel. Happily, I don’t think we’ll have to put up with his false claims of godlike intelligence or stupid ideas much longer.
That leaves us with Ron Paul, the kindly old septuagenarian doctor who having birthed 4000 babies is thus fully capable of advising us on birth control, abortion, high finance, foreign policy, war and peace, sense and sensibility, right and wrong, and everything in between. His suggestions that we return to the gold standard, do away with government and foreign policy, seem to resonate well with the under 20 crowd and the assorted loonies who I think must be at least partly taken in by his imitation of Pa Kettle.

But, you may object, Romney is the greatest flip-flopper of all time, and that may be true, but in the context of what is going on now in the battle for the nomination that is probably an advantage rather than a handicap. I mean, if Romney has no “core values,” and changes his positions more often than his socks, and if you can’t believe anything he says, then you can rest assured that his far right, Tea Party sops are also false, thus giving independents an excuse to vote for him. But…damn! That works both ways! Oh well, I’m not a Republican. Let them worry about it. They can always bring on New Jersey Fats, or Jeb, to continue the winning ways of the Bush dynasty. On to Iran! How dare they have any national interests in the Middle East!

A life lived in chaos is an impossibility...
Madeleine L'Engle