Heart of Ignorance

Someone the other day, I think it was Jonathan Capehart, said Romney was behaving like he was on a safari in his own country, what with his exclamations of surprise over discovering cheesy grits, and a new language, y’all. I gather he was also surprised that the local women were greeting him with hugs. I wonder if he realized that it was a safari that would lead him directly to the Heart of Ignorance? Alabama and Mississippi should certainly count as the heart of ignorance, as approximately 50% of the citizens in those two states believe President Obama is a Muslim. That is ignorance in the first degree. It’s probably also stupidity because you would have to be pretty stupid not to bother to learn just how fantastically absurd that belief is. In addition to the 50% who believe he is a Muslim there is another 40% who say they don’t know, leaving somewhere around 10% who believe he is actually a Christian.

It is also the case that Alabama and Mississippi are two of the most backward states in the union, they rate near the bottom on nearly every measure of accomplishment you can think of, average income, education, health care, welfare, and so on. They are also among the top with respect to the number of Evangelicals who do not believe in evolution, global warming, science in general, and no doubt also have average IQ scores well below the national average. They also lead in obesity, a condition that also suggests the not-so-bright.

As you might suspect their primaries this evening elected Rick Santorum as their choice to carry the Republican banner of ignorance as far as possible. Rick Santorum has about as much chance of becoming President of the United States as Cheetah (were he still alive). There is no doubt Santorum represents their views better than the other three candidates, he is a religious nut-case, wants to do away with abortion, contraception, health care, does not believe in evolution or global warming and science, thinks the public schools are indoctrinating our children, believes that going to college is an act of snobbery, and is quite likely a racist (although this is not completely clear). In any case he fits right in to the cultures of Alabama and Mississippi. I guess both he and the residents of Mississippi and Alabama are unaware this is the 21st century, the 19th and 20th having been left behind.

Willard Mitt Romney finished an abysmal third in both of these races, thus insuring the Republican comedy will continue probably to the very bitter end. Gingrich has vowed to continue on to the convention no matter what, a plan that will probably deny Santorum a victory and helping Romney who he apparently hates. There is nothing like cutting off your nose to spite your face, as the saying goes. Romney, knowing he would lose in the South (although hoping he would do better), fled the scene so as to not have to make concession speeches. Now it’s on to Illinois. I don’t know at the moment how he fared in Hawaii or American Samoa but I’m pretty certain he will win there. He may very well manage to become the Republican candidate in spite of his lack of appeal to most everyone in the Republican Party. I have been trying to imagine him as POTUS (Panderer of the United States) in Russia, saying clever things like “I’ve just tried borscht for the first time and I love it,” or “I just love fish eggs,” or Chicken Kiev has always been my favorite, or even “The trees here are just the right size.” He seems to want desperately to fit in wherever he goes and whatever the circumstances, or at least pretend to fit in, but just doesn’t understand how to go about it. Constant pandering is not going to make it. He has moved so far to the right with his pandering to the Republican base it is doubtful he will be able to recover even if he does become the Candidate. His latest claim to do away with Planned Parenthood will probably be the last nail in his coffin.

If Gingrich would bow out of the race Santorum might actually have a chance for the nomination. We could look forward to a fascinating voyage further and further into the heart of ignorance. If Romney survives and becomes the candidate we can look forward to being tossed about forever on the shores of indecision and flip-flopping. In either case we will no doubt have to listen to the most outrageous lies about President Obama, nonsensical claims about gas prices, “Obamacare,” tax breaks, shrinking government, and all the rest of the traditional gaseous falsehoods parroted constantly by Republicans. Oh, and no doubt how we should rush into war with Iran as quickly as possible, if only to save the billion or so Muslims from their shocking non-Christian beliefs. I can hardly wait until the “Little Lady” is back in the kitchen, barefooted and in her flour-sack dress, producing new children one after another, we’ll have prayer back in school, and maybe cannon-ball making will once again flourish.

Women and cats do as they damned well please, and men and dogs had best learn to live with it.
Alan Holbrook