Pu-leeze!

Pu-leeze! Can’t anyone do something to stop them? Possible Republican candidates for President, that is. Today I saw somewhere that Rudy Giuliani is contemplating running again for the office. Yeah, that Rudy Giuliani, you know, the guy that spent millions last time and ended up, if I remember right, with a single vote. The ex mayor of New York City who had a criminal Police Chief that he tried to get appointed as Homeland Security czar (I think this is right). I suppose he is thinking of the Republican Party nomination as there doesn’t seem to be any other criminal party yet.

I had barely recovered from the shock of hearing the news that Michele (the Minnesota Loon) Bachmann was thinking about a possible candidacy. This, in turn, followed the announcement that Newt (The Greatest Hypocritical Pontificator) Gingrich was thinking about running for President. And this was after the persistent rumor that the Housewife from Hell, Sarah the Deerslayer, was running. I even heard a while back that Rick (Man on Dog) Santorum might run. Earlier I heard a rumor that ex Virginia Senator (Loose Lips Sink Ships) George Allen was thinking about it also. Wow! So many terrific candidates, all apparently equipped with gigantic oversized egos, delusions of grandeur, but only tiny microscopic grips on reality. Perhaps I am being unfair. I suspect that none of these people truly expect to be candidates, and they almost certainly do not even dream of becoming President (I hope). What they seem to have in common is the obsession with keeping their names in print as often as possible, hoping something may come of it (like someone said, “even a blind dog finds a bone sometimes). Frankly, I’m a bit surprised that Christine O’Donnell has not announced her candidacy. Maybe she doesn’t want to compete with Sarah. Oh, hell, what do I know?

Looking beyond these, what I might call pretend candidates, what might be found? Happily John McCain is out of the picture. This leaves Mitt Romney, a kind of perennial Mormon candidate not well known for telling the truth (this might be unfair as no one else in the Republican Party ever tells the truth). At best I think he would be a long shot. Then there is Mike Huckabee, a religious fundamentalist who doesn’t believe in evolution (a very strange choice for a 21st century candidate), and may even be considered not conservative enough for the current Republican crowd. I guess Bobby Jindal has already flunked out as we never hear about him anymore. There is also Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, who wants to be President so badly he has taken to telling sex jokes about his wife and pretending to be a lumberjack (or some such thing). Mike Pence is a possibility, as is John Thune, but neither one of them is very well known, and Thune being from a state (South Dakota) with so few votes would seem unlikely to ever get the nomination. Besides, both of these possibilities, although very conservative, are not members of the Tea Party and therefore probably not to be taken seriously. There may be others I have neglected, but all in all I would say it does not look very promising for the Republicans unless some new charismatic and dynamic candidate appears. I know! Just the ticket! General David Petraeus! Having lost the “war” in Afghanistan (through no fault of his own of course), he will probably have some leisure time, thus he could come home, mount one of his famous “surges,” and save us all from Obama and socialism (don’t laugh).

I’m sure nothing can be done about it, but I find it extremely annoying that anyone in the U.S., no matter how unqualified, stupid, or even insane, can announce their candidacy for President and, if they have any name recognition at all, can manage to get some press. This appears to be true even if they are not even serious candidates with no chance whatsoever of being nominated or elected. There ought to be a law, or rule, or procedure, or something, whereby candidates should have to be vetted by their party or whoever they profess to represent, before being allowed to announce their candidancy, and anyone who was not should be completely ignored. That is, only legitimate candidates with serious intentions, significant support, and at least minimal qualifications, should be allowed. Of course this will never happen as our 24/7 “news” organizations are so desperate for infotainment to fill up time they will eagerly print anything and keep it going as long as possible no matter how trivial or absurd it might be. They are certainly not going to pay reporters to cover the nation and the globe to actually find real news. It is so much cheaper and easier to just report what they are told.