On hobbies

I have always admired people who are dedicated to their hobbies and stick with them all their lives. You know, people who build and fly model airplanes, ships, trains, slot cars, or whatever. Then there are those who devote their lives to collecting things like coins, stamps, matchbook covers, menus, or whatever. It seems there are people who collect just about everything one might imagine, from corkscrews to beer cans , glass floats, egg cups, ceramic elephants, skunks and frogs, autographs and even locks of hair and funny names from phone books. Of course there are some hobbies that I think are really pretty weird, so that the only thing you might admire about those who practice them is that they are dedicated. For example, I once knew a man whose hobby was locking the doors to toilet stalls. He would enter the stall, lock it from the inside, crawl out over the top or underneath if possible. He pursued this hobby for years and boasted about it. I have heard of someone who collects toothbrush handles and another who has created an air sickness bag museum. I know there is also someone who collects belly button lint and does research on it (I guess this also counts as something done regularly for pleasure). I am assuming that collecting things can also be considered a hobby although I know that collecting can sometimes be a source of frustration as well as pleasure.

I know the frustration involved in collecting things as this is at least partly the reason I have always failed at collecting or other hobbies. For example, as a child I was encouraged to collect postage stamps, which I did for a time, until I learned that I could never either find or afford to buy the stamps that were the most desirable. I abandoned that hobby forthwith. The same thing happened with coin and jade collecting. Later in life, when I one day decided I needed a hobby (as I didn’t have one at the time), I decided to collect first editions of John Steinbeck. There was a fine antique bookstore nearby and I started on this new hobby. In those days first editions of Steinbeck were available and you could even afford them. So all went well until I realized that I would never find a copy of his first book, Cup of Gold, and even if I did I would not be able to afford it. Frustrated again, I abandoned my Steinbeck collection and sold most of it. Not being able to complete your collection is not the only frustration involved in hobbying. I also attempted, when I was young, to make model airplanes. In those days making model airplanes was very challenging, what with working with balsa wood, pins, glue, blueprints, delicate paper, and such, it was easy to fail. I failed to make models that pleased me and gave up the attempts. Then there is the frustration of knowing in advance that you could never succeed in collecting all of some particular thing, so why bother (I realize how compulsive I am), it would only frustrate. Thus, I have decided that I am not a collector, nor am I a successful hobbyist. But even so, there is something that always nags at me and suggests I really need something in the way of a regular pursuit that gives me pleasure. As a result of eight years of Bush/Cheney economic policies I am near broke, so I had to find something that was free and, hopefully, at least in principle, not in an absolutely infinite supply. I decided I would collect “sex-advice-to-women-as-expressed-on-magazine-covers.” I was inspired to pursue this hobby by reading one such item on the cover of Cosmopolitan, while waiting in the supermarket line: “The bitchy moves that please men.” On the same cover appeared: “His biggest sex secrets - What you always wished you knew and the one thing you’ll wish you didn’t.” Apparently not completely satisfied with those two items there was also: “Is he normal down there? Shape, size, skin tone…what’s weird and what’s not.” I might have thought this was just an unusual issue, except on the same rack appeared Self, with “Have more fun in bed New ideas to bring you closer.” Inspired, I decided to look further. On the cover of Glamour I found, “8 really good sex ideas and 5 hilariously bad ones.” Not to be outdone, Women’s Health offered, “Hot sex news Kick your sex life up a notch.” Best You said simply “Better Sex Tonight,” and Complete Woman was a bit more serious, with: “New Year’s Sex Resolutions you must make and keep for an ongoing hot love life in 2009.”

On the basis of this preliminary research I have decided this is the perfect hobby for me at this time. It is free, in that I have no intention of ever buying one of these magazines (indeed, I would be too ashamed), and it’s harmless (although the checkout lady did look at me rather suspiciosly). Nor do I intend to ever read or comment on any of these tips and suggestions, so I don’t have to be worried about arguments or differences of opinion, or even confusion in my own psyche. These tips are right there, in English, for all to see. And between our (two) local supermarkets, plus our fine library, and an occasional visit to Borders Books, down the road a piece, I should be able to collect all the tips I can handle. I’m sure these tips probably reveal something about American women, as well as about American society and culture, but I don’t care. I refuse to analyze them or even think about them apart from their simple appearance on the covers of magazines. At last I have found a hobby I can stick with and enjoy (probably not for long). It is free, the data are readily available, it takes virtually no energy, and it stimulates my imagination (I wonder what’s really in those articles), while at the same time reinforcing my iron discipline (but maybe I could learn something). At my age I don’t think so. Sigh!